Are you a carer?

Is there a member of your family with a chronic condition?

Do you have a friend who regularly calls on you for assistance?

If so, I know it is an incredibly difficult role.  I also know you likely have been unable to articulate your pain or share it with others. This post is here to bring those struggles into the limelight so that they can be recognised, validated and supported.

Definition of  a carer.

A carer is someone who cares for a person who is unable to take care of themselves fully or partially. A carer can be a paid position, but often it is loved ones who take on the role of caring for the person who is not independent.

It is estimated that carers of an ill person spend an average of 104 hours per week in a caring role. For context, a full-time job is 40 hours per week. Thus, caring full-time is a very demanding responsibility. However, even caring part-time can be draining especially if it is over a long period of time.

What can help

Seeking outside support can make a big difference to a carer’s quality of life and capacity to give. Ironically, it is very common for carers to put their own needs aside. In the long term this is not productive for anyone as “you can’t pour from an empty cup”.

Who cares for the carer?

There is help available in the form of support groups and individual counselling.

I am passionate about how helpful attending a group, once a fortnight for an hour can be to carers.  I have just completed running a series of groups for Your Side Australia. I saw firsthand how that fortnightly “injection” of support, strategies and camaraderie changed each carer’s lives for the better and they were able to cope much better in their role and in their daily lives.

The carers I worked with came from all walks of life but were able to connect and relate to one another as if they had known each other for a lifetime.

I created a space that was safe, open, respectful and warm and the carers absorbed the care and the information like a sponge.  Carers were able to develop skills in not only supporting their loved ones, but in practicing self-care as well. It is not always easy to share your story and have compassion for others, but I witnessed participants hearts’ bursting open when they found safety to do so.

To genuinely feel safe can be one of the most empowering and comforting experiences. Providing this sense of safety was a priority of mine and is what allowed the participants to thrive.

The struggles a carer endures

  • Many carers are identified in terms of the patient they care for and it can be a struggle to be seen as an individual with your own identity and issues.
  • Often carers can find no other purpose in their lives than looking after another.
  • It is a very lonely journey to care for another person.
  • It is exhausting emotionally and physically.
  • There is often no time to relax , have fun or socialise with others.
  • Your own life is put on hold.
  • You experience grief at losing a loved one who is not the person they used to be.
  • Most carers feel a pressure to be strong all the time and they learn to hide their own vulnerable emotions.

The benefits of a group

I facilitated a series of 4 groups for Your Side Australia, and saw these benefits in a short space of time.

  • This group of carers found a greater sense of purpose.
  • They were reminded that they don’t need to face their hurdles alone.
  • Time and time again, I saw carers feeling free to release pent up emotions. Emotions of sadness, guilt, anger, and regret came to the surface as well as grief.
  • Carers learnt to set boundaries.
  • Carers committed to self-care. The truth is, putting your own oxygen mask on first does not show a lack of love or care for others, instead, it shows care and love for oneself. Because if you run out of oxygen, you can’t help anyone else with their oxygen masks anyway. This is the kind of mindset and habits that the carers were encouraged to start implementing into their life: learn how to love yourself first.
  • Carers found a fellowship with others going through the same things which decreased loneliness.
  • The group was proved to be a resource to one another as they shared information such as new information about mental health services, events, welfare, funding, and government support.

Conclusion

All in all, the experience was a huge success and an honour for me to facilitate. I believe there is a need for such groups in the community. Anxiety solutions CBT Psychology Practice will be running them ongoing in private practice.

Call Lisa on 02 9328 5899 or email [email protected] to find out more.