How to make your New Year resolutions stick

It is January; that time of the year when we want to start afresh. We long for a new, improved self and dream of being better, stronger, healthier than we were the year before.

This longing is appropriate. As human beings we continue to develop and grow throughout our lives and true joy can be found when we stretch ourselves and thrive.

Sadly, most of our dreams of change are shattered after a few weeks when we return to old habits. According to research, around 40-50 percent of adults make New Year’s resolutions, but around only 10-20 percent manage to keep to them.

How do we get it so wrong? Our intentions are noble, we want to improve and yet year after year we give up quite quickly.

One reason resolutions do not work is that we set goals for ourselves that are unrealistic. Common goals are losing weight, giving up smoking, saving money, being kinder to our kids.

These goals are too broad. One needs to set a SMART goal -Specific, Meaningful, Actualising, Realistic and Timely.

Illustration: If you want to lose weight, goal one should be to meet with a dietitian within the next week. Goal two is to learn what to eat and to change the food in your house within two weeks. The third goal may be to start a food diary the following week. It may take a while before actual weight loss comes into the picture. Setting SMART goals is a topic in itself and will be the subject of its own post.

Another reason we fail at keeping our resolutions is that waiting for long term change to take place is frustrating. We give up, get bored or simply succumb to the power of our old habits before forming a new habit. We need to learn techniques to manage our internal distress when things are not working out.

A third reason resolutions fail is that having to achieve all the time, measuring oneself and falling short wears down the self esteem and is exhausting. Is life only about measured successes?

Tips to getting resolutions to stick

This year I encourage you to do things differently. Instead of setting goals, reflect on your values.

What kind of person do you want to be to your family this year? Loving, kind , considerate, helpful, generous – you choose?
At work, do you wish to be resilient, resourceful, dedicated, diligent and ethical?
Would you like to interact with society in a way that is caring, collaborative and contributing?

All these values can be practiced every day and when you do practice them you will be living a life that is rich and meaningful. You will still pursue your goals but will choose them in relation to your important values. You may achieve many of your goals but like the rest of us, there are some goals you will never achieve.

For example, you want to be a loving person and long for children, but you may not be blessed with children. However, you can still be a loving person towards others. Or you may want to have the ideal job but in the event you do not find it you can still excel at the work you are doing. Instead of focusing on weight loss, let 2019 be a year when you choose to eat healthy food. Every time you make a choice to eat a salad rather than a chocolate you can feel purposeful because you have lived according to an important value. If you do eat chocolate but eat less than usual you can still feel you are making a healthier choice than before.

New Year Resolutions are a good thing and every January will bring our same need for change. When you re-frame what a resolution is, there is a better chance that it will stick. When you choose values to live by every day you will become the person you want to be. You will live a fulfilling life even when things do not go your way. You can find meaning even when there is failure and pain. You can choose to be different from today.

Have you heard of ACT?

ACT stands for Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Like Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT), it is an evidenced- based form of psychological treatment. ACT has many techniques for helping you to live a rich and meaningful life. One main part of ACT is to identify your values and make choices that take you towards your values. Another part of ACT is SMART goal setting where possible roadblocks are identified and short circuited in advance.

Psychologists at Anxiety Solutions CBT are trained in ACT and CBT. If you would like to make this year better and make your resolutions stick, please contact us, or call 02 9328 5899, or book online right now.

About the Author: Renee Mill

Renee Mill -- Anxiety Solutions CBT Director, Principal Clinical Psychologist, Supervisor and Best Selling Author -- has counseled hundreds of individuals, couples and families for over 30 years. She cares deeply about her clients and has created a warm and safe environment for all thrive. Renee has worked intensely on creating a new technique for dealing with generalised anxiety disorder, social anxiety, fear of public speaking, performance anxiety and panic attacks. Renee’s other key areas of interest are depression, relationships and couple therapy, self-worth, parenting, resilience and well-being. Renee has published 3 best selling books and lectured in Australia, China, Israel, the United States and South Africa. She is well known on the speaker’s circuit and is often called upon by the media for her professional opinion. To hear Renee’s interviews or read her articles have a look at our Media Section.