- Anxiety is not a one size, fits all mental health issue. It is as diverse as the people who suffer from it. Therefore, do not jump in with stereotypic solutions such as “I heard that all anxious people get better with mindfulness practice”. It is best to listen rather than talk. Then ask what the person would like you to do. “Would you like me just to continue listening or would you prefer if I tried to comfort you?”
- Anxiety is a deeply personal journey. Show respect for the journey and do not try and force a particular direction. Instead of making an appointment for a psychologist on his behalf, say “I believe that going for therapy will assist you. If you agree, and would like my help in finding a psychologist or booking an appointment, please let me know.”
- Anxiety can be erratic, some days much worse than others. Therefore, do not minimise it when there is a good day. Instead of saying “Oh I see you are better now”, say “It seems that today is a better day for you. How does that feel?”
- Anxiety is not rational. It does not help to try and convince a person who is anxious that their fears are not real. Instead of saying “I promise you the dog will not bite you”, say “I can see that you are really scared of the dog. Would you like me to walk with you or hold your hand?”
- Anxiety can manifest as physical pain. The worst thing you can say is “It is all in your head” or “There is nothing wrong with you so stop being a hypochondriac”. Rather say “You are clearly in pain. Is there anything I can do to help?”
- The person suffering from anxiety cannot control their thoughts or symptoms. Therefore, telling them “to keep it together” or “to stop dramatising” is hurtful. Rather just listen and allow her to work with her feelings of helplessness.
- It is not a person’s fault if they get anxiety. The worst thing you can say is “I told you not to go on that trip”. Rather, reassure the person that anxiety is a mental health issue that can be helped.
- You cannot always identify the source of anxiety. Do not waste time trying to understand what happened in a person’s childhood to create these symptoms. It is most beneficial to provide a safe space where the sufferer can ask for help or practice tools without judgement.
- Getting well takes readiness to learn strategies and a commitment to change. Until the person who is suffering takes that step, your most useful role is to give unconditional support and understanding.
What not to say to a friend who is suffering from anxiety!
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About the Author: Renee Mill
Renee Mill -- Anxiety Solutions CBT Director, Principal Clinical Psychologist, Supervisor and Best Selling Author -- has counseled hundreds of individuals, couples and families for over 30 years. She cares deeply about her clients and has created a warm and safe environment for all thrive.
Renee has worked intensely on creating a new technique for dealing with generalised anxiety disorder, social anxiety, fear of public speaking, performance anxiety and panic attacks. Renee’s other key areas of interest are depression, relationships and couple therapy, self-worth, parenting, resilience and well-being.
Renee has published 3 best selling books and lectured in Australia, China, Israel, the United States and South Africa. She is well known on the speaker’s circuit and is often called upon by the media for her professional opinion. To hear Renee’s interviews or read her articles have a look at our Media Section.
