Well I’ve finally passed a milestone of sorts in this journey we call “therapy” (yes I’m still getting used to saying the word outloud) by finishing my tenth session. All in all it’s been an interesting and very enlightening experience. Educational too, if you want to call it that I suppose, though I’m not sure if that’s the word or not. I went into this with a skeptical, but somewhat open mind. That’s frankly the only and best way a man can realistically approach this subject, or a man like me anyway. So over all how has it gone? So far so good, and actually there’s a surprising level of serenity I’ve been feeling more and more with each session.
So by session ten I can definitely say that I’ve come a long way, especially when I’m making some retrospective reflections and comparisons. I don’t feel quite as fidgety and nervous as I do, and I seem to perform a little better socially in crowds. Don’t get me wrong I’m still a bit awkward and a little jumpy once in awhile, but I’ve come down a few levels. I’m still a little reserved and I don’t think I’ll ever be the life of the party, but I’m also not cowering in the corner of the room staring at my phone to try and appear less socially waiting for the misery to be over. I’m just…ok. It’s kind of nice to feel normal.
Don’t misunderstand me. It took time and effort, not to mention the opening of a narrow mind to get where I am now. It also took following certain instructions and obtaining certain cognitive skills. Now, though, I can say I feel ok. I cope much better with stress and handle myself better in new situations. I’ve also found that I’m more confident and when life does throw me curve balls I don’t topple over in panic. I’m actually able to cope and in some cases approach life’s problems with confidence, certainty, and am even able to come up with creative solutions under the heat.
I’m not saying that I’ve experienced some kind of miracle healing but I have the tools I need to cope with my problem, enough so to be high functioning. I also don’t feel like an outcast or a social recluse anymore. I guess I just feel good about my life. These sessions really helped me look at life as a positive challenge rather than a constant calamity as I did before. I’ve found that a lot of the skills I learned we’re ultimately about viewpoint. It’s about how we look at the world around us as well as how we interpret what we see. Sometimes we just have to adjust that lens within the eye of the mind, and I feel like now I have the tools I need to get there. Do I have a ways to go to “normalcy?” Sure! But in time I’ll get there. Even as a man, I have to admit therapy helped, even if I must admit so begrudgingly. I still won’t be bragging about my sessions when I get the guys together for the Sunday night, game, but I’m also not going to beat myself up for seeking the help I need. I have to admit that I’m very glad that I did.